Travel Channel #5

11/8/12 

What's the sound of artillery

BOOM BOOM

Raining down on the enemy

BOOM BOOM

Hello again, family and friends.  For those of you who have spent time

in the military or know some cadences, you might recognize the opening

cadence.  Since the last letter, the Groundhog Day effect has been

alive and well.  A day seems like a month and a month seems like a

day.  It is all the same...until the last week and a half!  In the

last week and a half, I've traveled to myriad locations and have been

able to see a bunch of interesting things which I will mention here.

Also, I completed a full marathon, was asked to re-enlist a soldier on

a Blackhawk and have sworn off running until I die!  (Just kidding

about the last part, but this was a marathon to remember!)

So let's get started with traveling adventures....

First of all, I want to paint a picture of the conditions of travel.

You all may think this is a harsh country with war raging all around.

It may seem that my life is in imminent danger each time I travel

outside the wire...well, rest assured, there could be nothing further

from the truth.  Perhaps you all didn't know, but I'm here on

vacation!  Case in point:  The second and third pictures are of the

resort I stayed at during a trip this week.  As you can see, we had a

lake right outside our window.  The accommodations were a little

breezy, but represented the finest in Russian architecture while they

were here in the '80's! (See pic 3)  The first picture shows another

wonderful building that was already occupied at the time of my

arrival.  As you can see from the two satellite dishes out the

windows, there were no vacancies at that particular resort.  There

must have been a convention there that weekend, because all the best

rooms were taken!  You have already heard that I get shuttled in a

private helicopter each trip, but did you know they dispatch an entire

cargo plane when I arrive to ensure the upmost comfort will be

afforded during my stay?  As you can see from my fourth picture, all

the modern conveniences are being brought in...all for the traveling

dentist.  I'm kind of a big deal, apparently.

Now, referring back to the cadence at the beginning.  I am a dentist,

but far too often it is forgotten that my official self-given title is

that of Combat Dentist.  With that title comes the great

responsibility to test out all the latest defense mechanisms these

particular locations have.  It was, of course, imperative that I

tested out the mortar pit for accuracy.  Hence the BOOM BOOM of the

cadence.  At night, they fired illuminating rounds over the battle

field so the enemy couldn't hide.  I was right there to drop a few

rounds down the tube.  Their one word of caution, "When you drop the

mortar, move your hands.  You'll want to keep those."  Good call.  If

you notice, teh BOOM BOOM is always in all capital letters.  There is

a reason for this.  The reason is very simple.  It's loud.  I know,

big shocker.  Well, no one but me had ear protection in.  No one else

but me had hearing at the end of the night.  They claimed the 60mm

canon was child's play and that no hearing protection was required.

After the first drop and the intense ringing that only Quasimodo

personally doing his bell tower thing inside your head could create, I

decided the only way to proceed was with full coverage.  By the time

we got to the 120mm canon, they all agreed with me and put in some ear

plugs.

The second weapon system I was obligated to test was the .50 Cal

mounted machine gun.  If time had permitted, I would have also fired

the stand alone Barrett .50 Cal.  Maybe next time.  I digress.  The

instructions for the weapon was, "Push the lever and shoot that

mountain."  Sounds simple enough.  3-5 second bursts with a large

mountain in front of me.  What could go wrong? Luckily, my aim was

true.  Not as true for the psychologist traveling with me.  Note the

lack of "combat" in his title...  Anyway, I hit the mountain with

great zeal for as ling as the weapon would fire.  This was a test fire

of a weapon that had been having problems.  It was still having

problems.  Some might be tempted to blame the operator here.  That

would be a grave mistake.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,

however...

Now, let's move on to another subject.  The marathon.  There's really

only one way to sum it up.  II ran until I got tired...then I finished

the remaining 25 miles I had to go!  Contrary to popular opinion, a

marathon is not a 26 mile race.  It is a 6 mile race with a 20 mile

warm up.  Our race was a two lap race with 13.1 mile laps.  I was

worried I would just want to stop at the first lap, but I did not.  I

did, however, bring my cot to catch a nap mid-race if it was not going

as planned.  Luckily, I felt great at the halfway point and then

pushed on.  I should remind you, I'm in Afghanistan.  There are

mountains in Afghanistan.  Many mountains.  These mountains are an

integral part of the base here.  They must be conquered.  At the

halfway point, the hills start out again.  I had forgotten about them

throughout the rest of the first lap.  I was reminded of them again

about 3 minutes after leaving the safety of my mid-run cot.  It was

too late to turn back.  I was going forward.  At mile 15, I was

cursing my running shoes for having been there that morning.  Then the

hills got worse.  The highest point on the course came at miles 7 and

twenty.  II already mentioned that this is a 6 mile race with a 20

mile warm up.  By mile 20 I was fine.  I found it to be beneficial

that I no longer had feeling in my legs.  I now know what an epidural

feels like.  Focusing on the road so that I could watch my feet fall

on the ground was the only way I made it through.  I was afraid that

if I didn't actually see them land, they wouldn't.  However, after the

20 mile mountain, the next 3.5 miles are down hill.  Oh, elation!

Feeling returned to the legs, air to the lungs.  I was alive again.

In rare form, I passed three more runners in the last 6 miles to claim

my victory!  Victory in this case being to finish...not necessarily

the first to do so.  I now have a standard to measure all other races

by...

"This was a tough race!"

"Yeah, but remember that time in Afghanistan?  It could be worse!"

"True"

Finally, the re-enlistment.  To re-enlist.  A soldier needs an officer

to perform the ceremony.  I was chosen for this particular honor and

the desired location was the back of a Blackhawk helicopter.

Normally, we would do the ceremony serenely flying over the

countryside.  The enlistee had different plans.  We did the ceremony

while the bird was still on the ground.   As soon as we were done, the

gunners got out and opened the doors.  So, Vietnam style, we took off.

 While hanging out the door barely strapped to anything, I wondered if

this was a good idea.  Turns out, it was not.  The pilots then thought

it would be a good idea to test the birds systems and capabilities to

make sure everything was functional.  I soon learned that boots and

helmets hold more than just feet and heads...apparently you can shove

a stomach in there, too.  It fits quite nicely, but getting it out

afterwards proved more of a challenge.  I've been on roller coasters,

but I've never been flying 70 miles an hour straight forward, then

immediately have that changed to straight up!  Then, just to show off,

the pilots decided to fly along the surface of the earth.  I think

I've mentioned that Afghanistan has a few mountains....  As I'm

hanging out the door, they bank hard toward my side.  I see the ground

and I actually reach out because I am sure I can touch it.  Luckily I

couldn't; that would have made me more nervous!

All in all, it's been a busy few weeks, and now there are adventures

to share!  I hope you are all doing well and know that I love you all

and pray for you from Afghanistan.  I hope your week has more time

spent on the ground than mine!  Until next time...